it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
