im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
