return my video game
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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