Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
