I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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