Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
