I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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