the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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