I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
