I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
