I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
