just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
