I could have mohawked her pubes.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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