I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
