yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
