I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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