Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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