Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
