dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
