I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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