it hurts more in the daytime
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
