gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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