I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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