whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
worst night to have a conscience
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
