remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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