do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
