Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
