Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
