whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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