After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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