I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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