Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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