Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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