i used baking grease as lip gloss
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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