Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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