At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
