she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You smell like stripper and shame
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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