Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
