1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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