that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
