i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
