Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
