Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i think i have two assholes
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
