I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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