the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
