I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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