I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
