You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
