I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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