I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
