the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
