u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
