Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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