She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
