ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
